Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I didn't notice because vodka
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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