sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
