i don't like sucking hair
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
