I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
