Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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