Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
