first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
