"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
