Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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