In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
