Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
