insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
