...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
