we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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