a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
