An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
