well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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