She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
