Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
