Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
