In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize