im drinking this country out of the recession.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
