So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
