why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
