since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Dicks are not precious.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
