A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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