No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize