I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
