is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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