guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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