thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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