can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
