dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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