Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
