im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
