i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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