margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
