at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
