i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
