Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I need water and some morals
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
