What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
