You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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