Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
