made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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