The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
my shit smells like andre
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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