I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
