just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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