i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
