Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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