forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
