Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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