somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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