Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
