My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
