In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
