Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
