Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
