So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
