i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
