I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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