hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
