is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
