I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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